Detention Essays
by teddylupin-snape
Summary: Students of Hogwarts have gotten out of hand, so the professors have decided to make them write essays... Real creative.
1. Chapter 1

Write 200 words on why it is completely inappropriate to open and read your professors' post.

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Well, well… Honestly, Professor, an essay? That's low. If you would just let me leave… Fine, fine. Don't give me that look. Okay, I'll sit back down. But don't expect that Transfiguration homework tomorrow.

Well… Why is it inappropriate to read my professors' post? Good question. Why is it wrong that I have read their letters, when I am fully aware that they've read mine? Yes, I know. I am completely aware of what you're doing here. You teachers have consolidated your efforts to undermine us students. You all think you're so clever, eavesdropping on our conversations, reading our mail, unraveling our secrets…

Where was I? Ah, yes… Well, I suppose it was inappropriate to read teachers' post. But, as I'd already stated, I feel fully justified in my actions. So I'd have to say that if you'd prefer me not to read through your post, I recommend that you all stay away from mine.

P.S. You might want to get that 'little problem' looked at by a St. Mungo's healer. It looks bad… That's (one of the many reasons) why you're a lonely old cat woman. Luckily, you professors never read these essays… Lucky for me, I mean… Yes, you cannot keep secrets from little old me…

Lookie here! I wrote MORE than 200 words! Yay for me! I deserve a present! My self-gifted present: No Transfiguration homework for me!

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A/N: Please, please don't accuse me of stealing this idea. HP comes from JKR. The idea for Detention Essays, I got from Glastea.

And if anyone was curious, I happened to be writing this during my Algebra exam... My calculator has this nifty little Documents thing on it... Anyway, this is for my dear friend, Emily, who had kindly recommended that I not write fanfics during class. You really know what's good for me! R&R maybe?


	2. Chapter 2

Write 500 words on why it is inappropriate to be off task in class, when you should be paying attention in preparation for exams rather than wasting your time with such trivial matters.

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Here we go…First of all, let me make clear that I was not 'wasting my time with such trivial matters.' I was writing fanfiction, which is my life. If you are insinuating that my life is trivial, I wish to point out that the majority of earthly people consider life 'to be of a vital importance' (yes, I shall be throwing as many Harry Potter quotes and references in here as I can). So, no, I was not wasting my time. Nor was the material which I was writing inappropriate in any way. (93 words right there, look at me go!)

Anywho, I suppose it could be considered inappropriate to be off task in class, because if the people sitting next to me could not figure out what you happened to be talking about, they would ask me. I end up making up something that I find to be somewhat helpful and wholly vague.

And as for exams. Don't make me laugh. That's pathetic. This is math. Calculator = magical answer machine. Now if this were a stimulating course, such as Arithmancy, you would bet all of your Galleons that I'd be paying attention. Too bad it isn't. I think I'm going to transfer to Hogwarts next semester. Remind me to send an owl to Dumbledore…

And speaking of Dumbledore, if he were teaching this class, I would be doing much better grade-wise. Dumbledore's a bit of a push-over, though I have to admit he's not too fond of us Slytherins. But that's why we have to stick together, right! Which reminds me, you were in Hufflepuff, correct?

So I think we've both came to the realization by now that this essay is utterly worthless. I can only hope that you don't fall into another ''let's write an essay'' phase, because the next time I receive a fanfiction-related detention, which no doubt will happen, I guarantee it, I can only hope that you come up with something a bit more creative than an essay.

That's 330 words so far. And you said 500. Alrighty then. Let's conclude this, shall we?

In my very elegant and not at all overly-lengthy conclusion to this marvelously hideous essay, I think you have given me much to think about during the next month's worth of classes. I think. But I am not quite sure whether or not this poor little shriveled up world in which we live has think-able people inhabiting it any longer. You Muggles can punch anything into those odd devices, pretending that you have harnessed our awesome power of magic, but you haven't! Magic currently remains hidden from you Muggles, because of instances such as this. I shall magically wave my magic wand, and this essay will magically become exactly five hundred words. Just with a little wave of the ol' wand. "This is just like magic!" Ah, poor, sweet, naive Gilderoy Lockhart. He's certainly a character.

You probably have none of the patience required to finish reading this, therefore you shall never uncover the wizards.

(Teacher's note: Even though [teddylupin-snape's] essay has reached the minimum of five-hundred words, this can hardly suffice for an essay of the caliber at which I had expected. Therefore, [tl-s] will have to re-write this essay.)

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A/N: So I thought I'd add this little chappie in here. No, this was not a true occurrence, and I don't believe that I would be this frank and magical with my true Muggle teachers, but this is what you get with me on a night with barely any homework, fuelled on soda. I think I'm going to bed now. And I will have haunting nightmares of this teacher (who I had pictured when writing this). Ah, the things I do for you… le sigh. So.. R&R, maybe? Let me know all about my insanity here, or my other chappies (which, I admit, were not as heavily influenced by my…umm…mind). Love you guys! -Oh, and for the record: This exam was easy. So... I honestly could've written this in class (which I just about did..)-


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